Do Men and Women Still Want or Value Marriage?
I think we’ve been programmed to think that marriage is something we should all stride for. Since childhood we’ve been taught to get an education, get a good job, find someone…settle down and have kids.
But I’ve realized and understand now more than ever that some people don’t want kids and definitely don’t want the title of husband or wife. The truth is… not everyone is husband or wife material. I can respect people who are honest about being non-monogamous. Because you know what you’re getting into upfront.
To Poly or Not to Poly that is the question….
Just recently I met a guy… we hung out etc… We had a lot in common and vibe well. I started to really like him. That was until I found out that he’s in a polyamorous relationship. He asked me what I thought about polyamory. My response was I don’t think about it at all.
Mainly, because my parents have been married almost 40 years and I was raised in love. Things like love, commitment, respect and the importance of family is what I was shown and taught by my parents. I’m not knocking anyone else’s choices. Poly just isn’t for me.
Yet and still, I’m openminded and I understand that polyamorous relationships work for a lot of people. It just seems exhausting to me lol. Having one mate can be a lot by itself.
After having a few conversations with other friends/associates. I realized just how common poly is today. If you’re not knowledgeable about polyamory check out the video below.
I’m not pushing this lifestyle on anyone but this family is proof that it can work.
The Question of Marriage
While scrolling through my timeline on Facebook lately I’ve seen people asking questions like is dating pointless nowadays? Do men and women still want marriage? The answers honestly surprised me a little. I expected certain answers from men.
But the answers I saw from women blew me away. A lot of women said they’d prefer not to get married. But my question is do they really feel this way? Or is this because their significant other doesn’t see the point of marriage?
Or maybe it’s because they’ve been with their mate so long and they haven’t asked for their hand yet. Which can cause a person to lose hope. It can also cause their view point on marriage to change.
Some women even said that marriage is “overrated.” I wouldn’t say it’s overrated. Everyone puts a high value on different things. Marriage just may not be of high value on there’s which is perfectly fine.
For instance marriage is my end goal. But having a happy, healthy and thriving marriage is the ultimate goal. I believe that the idea or desire to get married has decreased mainly due to the number of failed marriages we’ve seen. But we must understand that many of those marriages should’ve never taken place to begin with.
The foundation that that relationship was built on was more than likely faulty. In cases like this marriage wasn’t going to fix those problems.
Instead, it did the total opposite which caused more cracks in the foundation until it finally collapsed.
Some people might say Leesh how can you speak on marriage and you’ve never been married. Well, witnessing a good one and tons of bad ones. Can and will make you pretty knowledgeable in the topic.
I’m not a marriage counselor or a therapist. But I know a few good ones. Therapy can help individuallly and it can definitely save a relationship if both parties are putting in the necessary work.
We all have seen friends and family members get into relationships and marriages that we knew weren’t going to last. There are always tell-tale signs.
Some people just choose to ignore them. But when it comes to major commitments or your happiness. You need to be aware, accountable and act accordingly.
Marriage is what you make it. Just because the people you know or even your own marriage didn’t work out doesn’t mean everyone’s marriage is doomed. Keep in mind that grass grows wherever you water it.
But also remember that picking a partner that’s in alignment with you and where you’re trying to go is also important.
So, during the dating stage take your time to get to know each other. Ask those uncomfortable questions. Use your gift of discernment and don’t ignore red flags.
You need to be honest with yourself and others. Pick someone you can grow with and that has the qualities, characteristics, morals, values and drive that you need in a mate.
I always tell people my wants can be negotiated but never my needs.
Never compromise your needs. You can only go but for so long with your needs not being met before you disconnect, leave or possibly cheat. (Btw: I’m not telling you to cheat.)
You may discover that poly works for you or common law marriage does. Some people don’t like the idea of being legally binded to someone. Whatever you choose depends on the two of you.
Do what’s best for you but remember to do everything you do with love.
But use your head to make wise decisions. If you guys have any thoughts or comments drop them in the comment section below. I’m really interested to hear your view point on this topic.
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