Dating

Six Reasons You Were Ghosted & How To Get Over It.

First things first…

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting is when someone cuts off all lines of communication without any explanation. This is something that both men and women experience. Once you’ve grown fond of someone and this occurs. It can be very upsetting and disappointing. Chances are if you’re reading this…. you’ve been ghosted!!!

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I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been ghosted and quite frankly… it sucks! I’ve even ghosted a few people. But I’m happy to announce that I am now a reformed ghoster lol. All jokes aside being ghosted is something that is completely out of your control. But what you do have control over is your emotions and reaction to the situation. When I was ghosted did I want to pull up on them? Yes. But did I pull up on them? No.

The first thing to remember is that if someone ghosts you most of the time it has less to do with you and more to do with them.

It is very possible that the person you may have been dealing with has an avoidant personality type. These people tend to guard themselves emotionally. They’ll withdraw at the drop of a dime to avoid expressing what they want, need and are feeling.

Another personality type to look out for is the anxious type. This type of person tends to crave companionship. This makes them feel safe and secure. But they lack vulnerability and are afraid of real intimacy. Once fear jumps in the front seat it can and will cause this person to flee. Conversations that require receptivity scares them. They will ghost you because of their fear of rejection.

How many of you have done this?

I think there’s a little Casper in all of us lol.

Honestly, I’m a mix of both of these personality types. I’ve been known to emotionally withdraw when I start to feel deep emotions. Because intimacy scares the hell outta me. Yet, I still crave it! I’m pretty sure that’s why I’ve ghosted a few people in the past. Well….that and a lack of consistency on their part.

Moving right along…. One thing that we should all keep in mind when it comes to dating and finding “the one.” Is that no one is perfect!

Knowing this prevents you from being so easily dismissive of people when they don’t fit into your idea of what a “perfect mate” is. Having a mindset of growth will also help with this. Someone may not enter your life exactly how you want them to be. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t blossom into a better version of themselves over time.

Getting to know each other isn’t always easy and once the newness of everything wears off……. reality sets in.

Relationships require constant and consistent effort. With that being said you will definitely find yourself ghosted if the person your dating or in a relationship with isn’t interested in longevity and growth.

Which leads me to our next topic of why you were ghosted in the first place.

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Top Six Reasons You Were Ghosted

They are afraid of confrontation.

People aren’t always able to face conflict and don’t know how to resolve it. It’s easier to run away from their problems than to face them. I was in a relationship for 3+ years and was ghosted. Still to this day I don’t know why we broke up. Initially, it really hurt!

But over the years I’ve learned to change my perception of this failed relationship. Yes, we definitely had issues! But the bigger issue was him not knowing how to express this and his disinterest in continuing the relationship.

I’ll admit that the younger me was a bit combative. So I can understand his possible fear of confrontation.

It still doesn’t justify his actions or lack thereof. He could’ve written me a letter or even sent a text message. Years have passed and I haven’t even accidentally ran into him. Now he’s what you call a seasoned ghoster. I should’ve called ghost busters on his ass lol.

Now… let’s get back to the reasons you were ghosted.

They’ve reconnected with an ex.

Yep, this one sucks but it is more than likely why he or she went Casper the not so friendly ghost on your ass. Telling someone you went back to or that you’re considering going back to an ex is never easy. That’s why most people take the easy way out and ghost!

They’re dealing with personal issues.

I know what you’re about to say and I agree.

Why couldn’t they just say that?

As simple as it may be they may not know how to say it without going into too many details. Furthermore, they could be embarrassed by what they’re going through and fear being judged. Even though everyone isn’t judgmental and some of us are very understanding. Everyone isn’t that open, trusting or willing to take that chance.

At the very least they could’ve let you know that their absence or distance has nothing to do with you… if that’s really the case.

I’ve dealt with this recently and it was very frustrating. Being able to communicate effectively can really alleviate a lot of issues. Unfortunately, everyone doesn’t know how to effectively communicate. Hence why we are discussing ghosting.

You are out of their league.

This one can tie into them dealing with personal issues. After getting to know you better and seeing how well put together you are in your life. This person began to feel insecure. Possibly thinking that they weren’t ready for someone of your caliber. This feeling can intensify the fear of rejection. They were more comfortable ending things with you on their terms and with their feelings spared.

Too many options.

Let’s face it, these days social media runs the world. Which means even more options when it comes to dating. Not to mention the different dating sites like Tinder and POF. So juggling multiple people has become the new normal. If you don’t stand out from the rest you probably won’t get chosen. This doesn’t mean that you aren’t a good candidate. But your competition may have been out performing you.

That doesn’t mean you should do more. Unless you are comfortable with doing so. Taking this type of action doesn’t guarantee a positive outcome. I would recommend you doing what’s true to you.

They didn’t feel an equal exchange of energy and effort.

This touches on some of what I stated previously. From their perspective it may have started out mutual and then became one sided. They may have even started to feel like the two of you are just not compatible and that’s perfectly fine. Understandably no one wants to feel like they’re wasting their time. But there’s a better way to handle what you’re feeling than to ghost someone.

Well there you have it!

Those were my top 6 reasons you were ghosted. But trust me there are so many other reasons people have been ghosted. I decided to add a few extras for those who need a little more clarity.

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Honest Extra’s

*You looked nothing like your pictures on social media *

*You complain too much *You are too controlling*

*Too high maintenance *Too low maintenance*

*They were already in a relationship*

*You were already in a relationship*

*Bad Breath* Bad Attitude*

*Bad Hygiene*Bad Credit*

*You wouldn’t send nudes*

*You asked for too many selfies*

*You weren’t giving up the goods*

I’m going to end it here with this one…

Some of you have very high standards.

Don’t change !!!!

There will be someone who meets them one day.

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The best way to handle being ghosted

If you haven’t heard from your potential bae in a few weeks or months and are tired of waiting. Try giving them an ultimatum. Depending on their reaction, actions or lack thereof. You will know everything that you need to know. It is very important for you not to blame yourself for their behavior.

You are not in control of anyone but yourself. Don’t send any angry text messages. Don’t blow up his or her phone. Keep it cute and continue doing you.

It’s okay to feel sad but don’t let those feelings consume you. Lastly, get out and have some fun with friends and family. It is not the end of the world. There are a lot of other options out there…Weigh Them!

I’ve included one of my favorite Usher songs that I thought this song would be perfect to end this with.

Enjoy!

Don’t forget to like, comment and follow to get notified whenever I post!

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