Does He View You As An Investment Or Just A Good Time?
Let’s Talk About It!
How many of you are guilty of accepting less than you deserve?
How many times have you found yourself in a relationship or situationship that is one sided or stagnant?
Honestly, I’ve found myself in these types of situations more times than I would like to admit. But the good thing about this is it’s taught me to NEVER SETTLE AGAIN.
I don’t know about you guys….. but the dating scene in 2020 has been rough for me. Especially if you’re the type of woman that likes to be courted and I’m definitely that type of woman. Wine and dine me please!
I just love the idea of being wooed. I appreciate date nights, flowers, affection, sweet messages, doors being opened. The whole nine yards!
But I’m starting to believe that chivalry might be dead.
Let’s face it…. we live in a day and age where women take more of the lead with men. Women are approaching men and asking them on dates. This is definitely the generation of “the aggressive female.”
I don’t knock anyone ….to each its own. But I’m pretty sure that me not being as aggressive is part of the reason I’m still single. If you’re anything like me…… we may have to start initiating more. Or we may be single a lot longer lol
I like to be pursued and seen as an investment.
Ladies, when a man views you as a woman worth investing in. He will definitely put more effort into pursuing you. You won’t have to beg for his time, attention or affection.
A man with a genuine interest in you will be happy to do anything in regards to you or to spend time with you.
Now, let’s talk about the men that are low effort. Low effort men are usually the type of men who want all access and benefits without putting in any real work. Sis, that’s the guy you need to RUN from. Unless you don’t mind wasting your time.
Listen, most jobs make you wait 90 days before you recieve benefits. So why should men be any different? No, I’m not on my Steve Harvey 90 day rule shit either lol. Because I haven’t always stuck to the 90 day rule.
But let’s just see how much he’s willing to invest in you without being rewarded for his investment. Trust me this will tell you a lot about him and his intentions.
How many of you had men tell you how much they really like you? Or how much they really want you? But you barely heard from him and he barely took you on dates. But he didn’t hesitate to ask if ya’ll could netflix and chill? Or if he can spend the night?
If he’s a low effort man… ladies please don’t have high expectations of this going anywhere.
If his words and actions don’t add up… subtract yourself from the situation.
DON’T LET HIM WASTE YOUR TIME.
I’ve met plenty of these types of men and sent them on their merry way. Let me tell you about one in particular… we’re gonna call him Damien. In the beginning Damien called and texted a lot and always wanted to spend time.
But the minute I wouldn’t comply with the things he wanted. He became upset and would distance himself. Which is cool because I’m not chasing or babying a grown ass man.
If my answer is no…. it’s NO!
See, it’s okay to say no to a man. But if your no’s make him start gaslighting or breadcrumbing you. Then just know you’re dealing with a grown boy. A grown man knows that everything is not going to go his way all the time. He might not like hearing no but he understands and respects it.
Damien would do like most grown boys do and pout or not talk to me for days. All that did was show me that he was a little immature, one sided and manipulative.
Yes, ladies there are plenty of men like Damien out there. I’m pretty sure that some of you have already met a few. He will breadcrumb you in order to get you to do what he wants you to do.
This is a very clever tactic used by grown boys. But when you’re on your grown woman ish. You catch it quickly and call him out on it. Depending on how he reacts to you doing so will tell you even more about who he is really is.
Cut Your Losses If Need Be
Ladies never be afraid to walk away from someone. It’s pointless to hold on to people who are not truly invested in you or that are one sided.
You deserve an equal exchange of time, effort and energy. You’re worthy of that and don’t let anyone tell you any different.
The moment you start seeing your value… men will begin seeing it too. Most importantly stand firm in how you view yourself and what you deserve. By doing so someone’s inability to see your worth wont make or break you.
Set the bar high and make him get on your level or leave you alone. Don’t let any man see you in what I call desperate energy.
Desperate energy let’s men know that you’re more likely to take whatever they choose to offer over what you truly deserve.
In order to help you ladies out I decided to ask one of my best friends…who happens to be a man. The question that we all want to know….
What makes a man feel like a woman is worth investing in?
His response was that first and foremost a man has to be ready to settle down. Second, when he meets a woman that he considers to be “wife material” an investment will be made. But this will vary because every man is different.
Men know pretty quickly if you’re worth a long term investment and he will make that known. So don’t let these men convince you that they aren’t sure about what they want.
Nine times out of ten…..he already knows what he wants and it’s just not you.
This doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you. You just aren’t what he’s looking for long term and that’s perfectly fine. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Go make yourself a POF account if you don’t already have one…. and go fishing lol.
If a man expresses to you that he’s not ready for a commitment and you know that’s what you want… LET HIM GO.
As women we have to know when to let go. Stop holding on hoping that you can change his mind. It doesn’t matter how good of a woman you are… if that man is not ready.
I had to learn this the hard way and it damaged me.
To protect this guy’s identity we’re gonna call him Trent. When I first met Trent things were really good. Great conversations and lots of quality time. Guess what though….there was no sex involved for the first three months. Yes, these legs were closed.
Listen ya’ll don’t think I wasn’t tempted to open them though lol. We had hella chemistry and a strong attraction. But I wanted him to fall in love with me and not my vagina.
So the goodies stayed in the jar.
I was single for 7 months prior to meeting Trent and he had been single for a while as well. After getting out of a long term relationship I wasn’t exactly trying to jump right back in one. Trent and I didn’t know where we wanted things to go.
Initially we were just having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Trent told me that prior to meeting me he wanted to be single. But long story short….we made it official shortly after that. Yes, didn’t waste anytime.
Things were good for a while…. or at least I thought. Trent was one of those guys that swore he was ready to be committed. Yet, in actuality he still wanted to play the field and that wasn’t gonna work with me.
He started fucking up and like most women…. instead of leaving I stayed with him. Like most men Trent apologized and promised that he would change. Eventually he wore me down and I gave in and gave him another chance.
He was definitely lying!
Time passed and I was still having issues with him and his other women. Once I heard his sad stories about his upbringing. Along with the fact that he didn’t have any good examples of what healthy, loving relationships look like.
I felt sorry for him and naively thought that I could teach him how to love. I just knew I could show him a different way of being. Yep, I thought that I could pour all my love into a man and “fix him.”
But while attempting to fix him….I allowed him to damage me.
I eventually broke up with Trent and worked on fixing myself. Never again will I ever compromise my happiness and peace trying to teach someone how to love or how to love me.
Which goes back to my earlier statement “no matter how good of a woman you are, a man has to be ready.” You definitely don’t want him to see you as the good time girl. Unless that’s a role you don”t mind playing.
But for the women who want to be seen as an investment. Please make sure he’s worth investing in too. Because a lot of the time the men we invest in aren’t worth it. It’s okay….. you live and you learn. We’re all here to help each other do better.
Ladies, just remember to be cautious of where you invest your time and who you give your heart too. If you invest the necessary time into yourself and have standards set in place. You’ll dismiss anyone that disturbs your peace or that doesn’t meet those standards.
It’s perfectly fine to be single… hell it’s even fun. Stay single until someone comes along who adds value to your life. I choose to invest in myself until someone comes along who is truly ready to invest in me. I advise you to do the same.
Below is a song by the artist H.E.R. Please listen to it and remember to make sure that whoever is in your life or that is coming in the future…. is good to you and invested in you.
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