Turning Lemons Into Lemonade
Many of you that have followed my blog from the very beginning. Have noticed that I speak a lot about relationships and dating. Mainly, because most of my life lessons have been learned through my relationships with others. That’s the way God saw it fit to teach us how to love, honor and respect ourselves.
One thing that I love about myself is that no matter what I’ve been through. I haven’t allowed it to turn me cold or bitter. I instead allowed it to build, shape and mold me into the woman that I am today.
Most importantly I allowed myself to be teachable, flexible and compassionate. Not only towards others but towards myself. We can be very hard on ourselves sometimes when things go wrong. I remember clinging onto relationships and friendships that already exceeded their expiration date. All because I didn’t like being alone or feeling like a failure.
It wasn’t until I learned to be alone and to sit with my demons that I started to understand myself more. My abandonment issues, low self esteem, inner child wounds and lack of confidence were all affecting my life tremendously.
Being the fourth of five children wasn’t always easy. I often felt overlooked and not heard. I’m definitely not blaming my parents. They did the best that they could do with what they had and what they knew.
I’ll be the first to say that I have great parents and I had an amazing childhood. But growing up with a dad that was a marine wasn’t always easy. He definitely ran a tight ship and I was a very sheltered kid.
Granted my parents did a good job raising us five kids. We were taught morals, values, ambition and the importance of family and sticking together.
But for some reason I always felt misunderstood…. or like I was different from my siblings. I’m a bit of a loner, nerd and a rebel at times. I was also known as “the emotional one.”
So imagine feeling like you’re the black sheep of the family at home and an outcast at school. I spent most of my life just wanting to be accepted.
The past two years I’ve experienced a lot of changes. I’ve had so many hardships, breakups, depressive episodes. Like being a single mom and trying to figure out who I am and what I really want wasn’t already hard enough. I now stop and pat myself on the back for getting through it.
Luckily, life has gotten better and a lot more balanced this past year. I’ve learned to stop looking for acceptance. It’s okay to not fit in with others.
I accept that I was made different and that those differences are what make me who I am. I love myself, flaws and all. I’m a perfectly imperfect child of God.
During 2020 I learned to accept myself and to love myself unconditionally. I am now my biggest cheerleader. My therapist taught me the importance of seeing things from a different perspective. Since then my perception of people and situations have changed tremendously.
No longer do I have a victim mentality. No longer am I a victim of my circumstances.
I am now the creator of my own reality and it feels so empowering. I’m still adjusting to the “new me” but I will tell you this… I LOVE HER. She’s straightforward, courageous, fearless and goal driven. Yet, compassionate, loving, inspiring and empathetic.
Starting this blog was one of the best decisions I’ve made in 2020. It’s kinda like my personal but now public diary. As well as my contribution to the world. If I can help, heal or inspire one person a day, week or year… then I’ll take that as a job well done.
Life threw a lemon tree at me this year and I’m still standing…. sipping lemonade.
I’m here to stay!!!
“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”-Steve Maraboli
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