Do We Really Need Closure To Move On?
Let’s talk about it!
People come into your life and sometimes they leave just as quick as they came in. Relationships end.. friendships end and the effects of that can be hard to deal with. Especially when people exit your life and the reason is unknown. Those are typically the times we’re left with questions like… How did I not see this coming? Did I do something wrong? Why is this happening to me?
What I’ve learned to do was to stop asking why this is happening and instead I ask myself what is this trying to teach me. Endings can be a blessing in disguise. Try changing your perspective on it. Just think…. without endings there wouldn’t be an opportunity for beautiful new beginnings.
Sometimes things aren’t happening to you… they’re happening for you.
Feel So You Can Heal
Honestly, I think one of the hardest things to do is to process a breakup or ending. Especially with no real explanation as to why things ended.
Endings are very hard to get over at times… but not impossible. I’d suggest doing some introspection. Sit with your thoughts and emotions. Allow yourself to feel them but don’t drown in your sorrow.
During this time your emotions are more than likely going to go up and down. Venting to friends, talking to a therapist, journaling or listening to music can help with these fluctuating emotions.
Women Vs. Men
Women tend to need closure more than men. Speaking for women, I believe us not knowing why things ended tends to drive us crazy. Whereas a lot of men don’t feel like closure is necessary. When it’s over… it’s over!
I believe that mature and emotionally intelligent men have no problem sitting and expressing why they’re choosing to end things. This may be a very small percentage of men lol. But I do believe that they are out there. If you’re one of these men I respect and applaud you. Ladies, if you’ve met any of these men… drop your rare story in the comments.
The Signs Were There…
For many of us the signs were already there that things weren’t going good. There may have been distance between the two of you. Arguments, failure to commit, ungratefulness or lack of communication. In all honesty it could also be that they met someone new and decided to invest in that person.
It sucks but it happens. Some of us may have already felt this energetically. We all have intuitions… that we sometimes ignore when we really like or love someone. But ignoring red flags will only come back to bite you in the a** down the road. Trust me…. I know all too well.
If God gave you the gift of discernment, use it!
I didn’t receive any closure after a four year relationship ended. The emotions I experienced the first six months were heavy. I struggled for years after that break up. Even after getting into a new relationship. I was still carrying around the burdens of the failed one and the lack of closure.
What helped me was when I realized I was the only one still bothered by that ending. Meanwhile my ex was off living his best life. Yet, I was held emotionally captive. So, I decided that it was time to break free.
I woke up one morning and decided to forgive him, accept it and move on. I was finally released from my mental prison and I reclaimed my peace!
You have to accept the fact that you may never get closure in some situations.
It is very important for you to learn to accept everything about yourself, your current feelings and the current situation. Fighting against an ending can cause even greater suffering. Blaming the other person won’t change what’s happened either.
Sitting in the energy of pain, denial or fighting against what has transpired will only delay your healing.
Acceptance is what is required at this time to move forward.
If you’re dealing with a situation where someone has ghosted you or betrayed you. Closure isn’t needed to move forward.
“When people show you who they are believe them the first time.”Maya Angelou
Keep going… DON’T LOOK BACK.
Don’t wait for an explanation from the person. Stop expecting a phone call, text message or email. That person had the opportunity to do all of those things and chose not too. Stop calling them! Don’t send angry text messages, dm’s or emails asking for answers. Stop lashing out or beating yourself up. But most importantly…. DON’T SEEK REVENGE!
Whenever I get tempted to retaliate against those who’ve wronged me… I repeat this quote from the bible.
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written: Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.”Romans 12:19
Let the lord fight your battles… It’s a guaranteed win!!!
Getting Over The Feeling Of Betrayal
Personally, I’ve learned to let go and let God. Some people are holding on to betrayals from 10 years ago. Which is crazy to me! Holding on to that type of pain or anger requires you to give away too much of your power and energy. Cut the cords… forgive and release them!!!
Let it go… do better and get better.
Give yourself time to process and heal. Desiring closure can hinder you from new relationships and from inner peace. Use this misfortune as a learning experience.
We’ve all been hurt before and some of us swore to never love again. Said we’d never let someone inflict that kind of pain on us again. I remember saying I’m done with love completely! I was done being a kind hearted, loving and honest person.
I felt this way all because of past disappointments and because of people’s poor treatment of me throughout the years.
I constantly remind myself that when I close other people out… I close myself in. Which isn’t fair to me or the people who are truly deserving of me, my love and my light. I’d advise you to adapt this attitude and mindset. Don’t let betrayal or heartbreak make you bitter. Allow that betrayal to make you better and wiser.
No Closure…. Is Closure!
Now is the time for acceptance, awareness, willingness, turning your mind, boundaries and becoming secure in self. Obstacles are lessons that promote growth, healing, knowledge and other possibilities. Keep your dignity and let people and situations go. No closure needed.
One door closed … the right one will open.
Below is a song by an artist by the name of Toni Braxton. I thought it would be so befitting to end this post with it. Enjoy!
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