The Hidden Blessing In Not Being Chosen.

I feel like it’s almost cliche to say when things don’t work out there’s always something better. But the fact of the matter is that it’s a very TRUE statement. When it comes to matters of the heart everyone wants love.

But what happens when the love isn’t reciprocated. What do you do when that person doesn’t love you back or does but doesn’t choose to be with you?

THE BLAME GAME

Speaking from experience I remember blaming myself. What if I didn’t say this or hadn’t done that? Could I have given more of myself? We’ve all been there. Now you’re questioning your worth.

Am I good enough? Why can’t I find love?

Naturally you assume that you’re the problem. But honestly that isn’t the case a lot of the time. Sometimes you just didn’t check off all the boxes that were needed to have a long term relationship with that particular person.

It happens and that’s perfectly fine.

COMPARISON

I’ve also noticed that if they didn’t choose us and we find out they’re with someone else. We start comparing ourselves to the person they chose over us. By comparing our looks, body type, job title, car, etc…. Anything that may give us clarity.

This only drives us crazier and can trigger our insecurities. Which is never a good thing.

So, stay off their Facebook and Instagram page.

Stop before you hurt your own feelings and break your own heart. Hell some of us have even asked “What does he/she have that I don’t?”

Why him? Why her? Asking and trying to figure out these things can do more harm than good. Sometimes you’re lucky enough to have dealt with someone who’s honest and has no problem explaining to you why he or she didn’t choose you. But most of the time we’re not that lucky.

TRUTH OF THE MATTER

Sometimes you aren’t chosen because some people prefer superficial and convenient connections over authentic ones. Not to mention some people just flat out have commitment issues.

Remember, chosen doesn’t mean better.

I’m a person that’s always growing and in order to be in my life or in a relationship with me. You have to be someone with a growth mindset.

Which brings me to my next point. Many of you weren’t chosen because you may have challenged your person to grow and they weren’t ready. So, naturally they choose the person who doesn’t. People like to stick with what is easy and comfortable. Those are the people I would suggest not wasting a lot of time with. Grow or Go is my motto.

STORYTIME

I remember when I met this guy and there was an instant connection. We seemingly had soooo much in common. Our morals, values, goals and aspirations were almost identical. I hadn’t felt such an organic connection in a very long time. But I noticed whenever I’d enforced boundaries he would pull away. Which was the first red flag.

Whenever I called him out or held him accountable for his actions or lack thereof he would try to flip things on me. He would accuse me of trying to pick an argument. But it was always whenever I’d try to effectively communicate with him. I spoke my mind and let him know that if he couldn’t be the person he claimed to be or put in the appropriate effort into courting me then he could LEAVE ME ALONE!

Needless to say he decided to pursue someone else. I blamed myself at first. But then I realized I was asking for the bare minimum and he couldn’t do that. Shortly after that I found out he was in a relationship. He picked someone who he could get over on and use. When we did eventually speak again. He admitted that he was using her for a place to stay and her money.

He also admitted to me that he didn’t choose me because he felt like he wasn’t good enough and had nothing to offer me at this time. My thoughts on this is that no man or woman should be in a relationship or trying to start up one. If they aren’t happy in life and financially or emotionally unstable. I respect his honesty. But I didn’t appreciate my time being wasted.

Some people go towards what/who is vibrating at the same level as them. Needless to say I met him at a time that I was healing and at the beginning of my journey to self discovery.

Sometimes we don’t even realize that we are the problem or that we may have some issues. It’s okay because most issues are fixable. All you need is a positive mindset, dedication and constant effort put into yourself.

So, keep in mind that you attract what you are or the energy you’re in at the time. That’s why it’s important to work on your triggers, codependency, abandonment issues or any other issues you may have.

LIFE LESSONS

What I’ve learned from life’s many lessons is that every loss isn’t really a loss. Sometimes it’s really a gain. Sometimes being chosen is an insult and not a compliment…. Read that again!!. Keep your chin up and as well as your standards. Never let someone’s inability to see your worth or their unwillingness to grow. Make you feel like you’re not worthy of love. Once you’re not chosen, start practicing radical acceptance. The world isn’t over… just that relationship/situationship.

Some people are really lessons and those lessons are truly blessings in disguise.

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