Do you hear me calling out?
There’s hurt and anguish in my voice.
I’m screaming at the top of my lungs.
Can you hear me now?
Life isn’t always fair but God you promised you’d always be there.
Sometimes I fear you cannot hear me how
I want or need you to.
I feel like I’m in a state of constant Deja Vu.
On my path.. then off my path.
Now I’m on the pursuit of me and you.
I need guidance I need to be guided out of this dark cave.
I no longer want to be a slave to these thoughts daily.
I’ve been locked away to the point that I’m going insane.
Trapped in fear… burden by pain.
Photographic memory like it happened yesterday.
God, I need you… you’re my savior, healer, my rock and my truth.
Some days life seems so unfair… can I be there with you?
I’m strong and then I’m scared.
Every day I get up, pick my chin up and continue to walk in fear.
I’ve been captured mentally and physically once again.
From the demons and these crazy thoughts inside my head.
I trust in you.. I’m loving you Lord but I’m tired.
Some days all I have is the strength to call out to you and cry out.
There’s been times I felt like there was no way out.
I feel like the life I’ve been living is a lie now.
I’m not living in my truth.. or in my purpose.
Lord, I feel worthless, stressed out, burnt out and hopeless.
It’s slipping… my focus…I can no longer hold it.
Feels like I’m counting down for a big explosion.
My destiny is unfulfilled… yet I’m standing in a field of dreams.
Can I have and handle everything that you have planned for me?
I’m too scared to take a step forward.
Yet, all I have to do is just believe.
But the devil in my head has a mental choke hold on me.
Some days it’s hard to distinguish what’s false from what is real.
Memories of all the doors that have closed on me.
Post-traumatic stress has me afraid to take a leap.
Even though my angels and ancestors are rooting for me.
God you never said there wouldn’t be hard times, bad days or strife.
I guess I underestimated how many challenges we face in life.
But I’m trying to be the heavy weight champion of this mental fight.
It’s stolen so much from me, but I still have my life.
No matter the obstacle I’m not going down without a fight.
God continue to guide me and continue to shine your divine light.
This poem was one I archived and revisited recently. It something I wrote when I was in a dark place. But it’s also inspired by someone I care deeply for. Whom I’ve watched battle obstacles, loss, and mental health all year. So, I thought that this was very important to share.
Mental health and mental illness are real.
But so is God. Always believe in yourself and never lose your faith in God. Because he heals and he hears all.
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